This movie is clearly a psychological experiment – It’s a test to see how much of an award-winning movie (that, of course, doesn’t deserve any awards) you are willing to endure. This 2017 movie, a darling among critics – who by-the-way are critics because they couldn’t write or direct a good movie of their own – is an alleged slice-of-life dramedy, a window into the very real inequity that takes place in the shadow of a fairy tale (that being Disney World; wow, subtle metaphor there). Unfortunately, the movie winds up being less about inequity than the amoral exploits of the people in their particular circumstances.

The main character is 6-year old Moonee, played by Brooklyn Prince, who was nominated for a Critic’s Choice Award for Best Young Performer when really, she’s being directed to be a brat the entire movie which can’t be much of a challenge for any child her age. Moonee and her friends proceed to basically be little s(beep)s the entire movie, never reined in by anyone much less Moonee’s mother who is so free of a moral compass you keep hoping for her to die of a drug overdose and just be done with it. And therein lies one of the movie’s biggest problems – no likable characters.

Willem Defoe’s turn as the hapless motel manager almost gets us there, but his heart is more bronze than gold, never really being of more consequence than running off a potential child molester. (Okay, I guess we should be thankful.) Every other character is of no consequence to the world; if they disappeared off the face of the earth tomorrow, no one would care. None of the characters develop. There’s a hint of conflict halfway through the movie between Moonee’s mother and her best friend that is ultimately cast aside because the mother’s friend decides to move, perhaps in the best interest of her child though we can’t be sure. And so, any chance for any of the characters to grow is muted. I’m not saying a story has to give us at least one flawless character but as far as plots go, the audience needs someone to root for. The kids would presumably be those characters here, but they’re so damn annoying the entire time you want to see them caged.

Secondly, ‘as far as plots go,’ nothing really happens in this movie. There is no plot. The movie focuses heavily on the children’s screeching exploits which, as I just said, gets old really fast whether you have kids or not. Descriptions of the movie would have us believe the children are ‘finding magic’ in their circumstance when in fact they’re just being little beep-holes. While I understand they’re operating with zero parental supervision, this is not cause for sympathy. I can’t be sympathetic when said lack of supervision or guidance brings out the worst tendencies in children which, when you look into the future of these characters, is not going to be appealing. This is beaten into our heads over the movie’s two hour runtime.

What I will concede is that the movie is as well acted as any other movie and that it looks authentic. Well, great. Is that supposed to endear me to the characters, to their non-existent story? This movie doesn’t take us anywhere that matters and it’s not going to make anyone who sees this movie sit up and say, “We need to help these people!” The filmmakers would love us to feel this way but not actually do anything about it, hence, this is not actually art.

The Florida Project is the kind of movie that Hollywood liberals love for ‘opening our eyes’ to the raw underbelly of America, as if they keep forgetting it exists and so they are humbled by the reminder. They want audiences to be reminded as well, which also makes the movie the kind of movie that inclines left-leaning independents want to purchase guns and Confederate flags as a hedge against Hollywood’s pretentiousness. In other words, this is a movie in which you will only lose by watching it. For the sake of your own sanity, avoid this movie.

The Florida Project is currently streaming on Netflix. Don’t watch it.

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